3 blogs in ONE by: lofo, jca, and datty caimi

This is an ambitious attempt on our parts, three blogs in one. We are in Vientiane, the very laid back capital of Laos, and have had a fulfilling week! First, we would like to wish the respective parties a Happy Mother's Day. We unabashedly love our mothers and sing the praises of the women (and sometimes men) who act as motherly figures and thus enrich our lives. Not only do these people make our lives a more enjoyable journey, but also show us the compassion, thoughtfulness, and generosity of which humankind is capable. So, from Edith in Florianopolis to Sue our momma in Cairns and everyone looking out for us in between, thank you for making the world a better place!
This sappy introduction makes for an okay segue into a topic that has been coming up more and more in conversation since coming to Southeast Asia. We will call the subject "The Role of Women in Society." Jess and I have always known that we are very fortunate to have been born in the United States where women enjoy a relatively high level of respect and equality while also taking advantage of the opportunities presented to us. My gratitude for this situation has increased dramatically now that I have been exposed to the ways in which other societies treat women often as possessions less valuable than cattle. In all of Southeast Asia, a young, attractive, giggling woman with her fat, bumbling, western "boyfriend" is a common sight -- it is a sad truth that many women's greatest chance of a stable life for themselves and their future children is to marry a guy from Europe or the US with a little money and less worldly experience. This behavior was rather disturbing at first, but after several of our Laura-Jess mandatory theorizing and speculating sessions, I think I get it and do not criticize it. In social settings, many women our age rely on the generosity of the men around them to fund their lifestyles as they do not have the means to provide for themselves as education and opportunities are not as abundant as they are for their male counterparts.
Many of the working women we have met are some real hustlers. In my opinion they work harder than the men (many of whom pass their days by sleeping in some of the most creative, contortionist-like positions on top of their motorbikes -- not hard work, but entertaining nonetheless) and while doing so are expending a ton of energy simutaneously charming, insulting, and bargaining with us and our fellow shoppers. Yet women are still often treated as second class citizens who are meant to be quiet and submissive despite the fact that they seemingly keep their families together by acting as both nurturer and provider. In other words, I would also try to take the nerdy software engineer from Denmark for everything he was worth too. More importantly though, I am extremely grateful that that is not my reality and will hopefully never take for granted the opportunities that have been given to us and that we continually create for ourselves.

Ok, so BEFORE we came to laos, faithful readers may recall that we were in cambodia, trying NOT to fall off motorbikes. cambodia turned out to be one of the most fabulous countries I have ever had the privilege to experience. our time in cambodia was way too short, but largely dominated by the visiting of a very special area of the country -- the temples at Angkor. more than a year ago, when this trip was still just a dream, katy jane was visiting me in the dregs of january finals in boston. we were both studying hard, and spent our free time envisioning this trip. eventually, we decided we needed a map, and after trucking through the snow to the cvs to purchase said map, we hung it up on the wall of my dorm room and immediately started marking places we wanted to see. sitting in my dorm room, staring at the sme posters I had been staring at since leaving california for boarding school, watching the snow pummel the window, i tried to think of the most exotic thing i could possibly imagine ... and the temples of angkor popped into my mind, and hence that was the very first place I marked on the map. So, you must try to imagine how I felt 16 months later when I found myself actually staring at a gargantuan, ornately carved, ancient building in the middle of the jungle. Did I mention that monkeys were crawling all over it, and elepahnts were also involved? Awe, is really what I was feeling. Awe at the ancient people who actually built it. Awe at the cambodian man who led us around from temple to temple, not noticing the sweat running down his face because DUH its always hot here. Awe at us girls, who actually got out ourselves around the world when we said we would.
Of course, I cannot talk about Cambodia without mentioning the horror I sometimes felt regarding the tragic history. Let me refresh your memory. This is the country where Pol Pot and his political party the Khmer Rouge took power, and decided to turn back the hands of time to year one. Intellectuals were the first to be murdered. Then the cities were emptied, everyone was forced into an agrarian lifestyle, and liberties were taken away. Then things really got nasty. As mistrust started to circulate among higher ranking members of the regime, more and more Cambodian were slaughtered for no reason. And really, it is hard to see a reason. Everyone we ask has a different theory, but no one gives us a straight answer. One thing everyone knows, 1/4 of the entire population of Cambodia was completly wiped out. Gone. Imagine what it would be like if 1/4 the population of the USA just disappeared. I bet you can't imagine it. Neither my father, Laura, nor myself can. We spent an afternoon at the Killing Fields, which is the name of a movie on this subject that everyone should see, and also the name given to all the mass grave sites where bodies were left to decay. I had a particularly devastating moment when, while following a tour guide around, I watched him stoop down and pick up a human tooth from the ground, and lament that hevy rain always brings up fresh remains. I then realized that all the debris around me was not trash, but clothing and human bones sticking out of the ground. I lost it.
Here is the really frusturating bit. Hitler and the Nazis were killing on a similar scale, and everyone can rattle off the dates of WWII, and name major concentration camps. Yet, before coming to Cambodia, if someone had asked me what the Khmer Rouge was, I would have said they were some bad people somewhere in Asia doing some bad stuff in the 80s. How has this incident been forgotten? Moreover, why has no one been brought to justice? Many leaders of the Khmer Rouge are still around, and the Cambodians are trying to get a trial started, but the details of the trial are as sketchy as details regarding the Pol Pot's reasons for wiping out a quarter of the Cambodian population. Everything is murky and confused. You can assume that everyone you see on the street in Cambodia over the age of 50 has some strong memories of the Khmer Rouge regime, and I dont know how they would be able to continue on with their normal lives without a sense of closure. As I see it, there are two possibilities to explain why no one seems to want to acknowledge the absolute devastation that hit the country a mere 20ish years ago. These people are being left out of history because 1. it is too painful to write about or 2. no one cares. Both are terrifying options.
I am trying to figure out a way to end my part of this post in a less depressing way, but I just realized that I would be doing the same thing many of the people in Cambodia seem to do, simply ignore the horrific facts, or maybe make excuses for them. So, out of respect to all the men, women and children who were murdered, I am going to end just like this.


This from datty:
Cant communicate with these peaceful Lao people . . . it's put us in a couple tough spots:
All I wanted was a simple whole fish for dinner - grilled. 6 days later, we had suffered every sort of filthy, raw, fish-mess, and I had given up. But the girls made it their mission to sit me down with a whole fish, and suddenly tonight - there it was. Live, fresh, cooked to order with nice spices. The girls are like that - effective, tenacious, loving. Time flashes by with them. Great baguettes here, by the way. Since early 70's wanted to know where the Mekong Delta really is, all those body bags. Now I know. Miss my wife. Augi